ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dear god my vagina.
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