I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
