he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
be right there i have to get my cape
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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