You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
