yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
