You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
