i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
