I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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