Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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