I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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