You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
