guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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