I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
