I love black thongs
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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