i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize