I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
