talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
