It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You made out with two different species that night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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