Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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