Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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