your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's blow job season.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ok first of all what the fuck
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