grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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