and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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