i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
