For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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