So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
