Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
