I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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