If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
