this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
