its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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