I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My hand turned me down
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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