I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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