i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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