Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
