We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The air taste purple.
Randomize
