Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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