I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
