Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
