forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
