how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
