she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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