like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
