i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
