i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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