if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
