i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
