All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
