Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
