the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
