did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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