...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
it's like heaven, but drunker
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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