I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
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Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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