last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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