I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
