Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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