A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
