Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
