his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
