my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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