OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
