I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
